Hey lovelies,
It has been a long time since I have posted anything, but that is because I really felt as though i didn't have much to say. At least when it comes to my life. I think i have an innate ability to see other people's issues and see where and what it is that they should or could do to change their situation. I think because i keep my hand so close to the chest, it has become hard for even me to see exactly what goes on in my head sometimes.
I will tell you something, particularly the girls/women who read my blog, if you don't watch any other show, tune in to The Conversation on lifetime. In the few weeks that i have watched this show, i gained insight on not only the celebrities that have been featured but myself as well. I have come to realize that I do need to live in my truth and figure out exactly what it is i want out of my life.
It took me a long time to actually look myself in the eye while looking in the mirror, i would look everywhere but at myself and I don't even know why...sure, i didn't think i was pretty but i really don't know. I still have issues with looking at my body. Now that i think about it, that may be a reason why if you show up at my house, i will most likely be in long sleeves and socks. That or the fact that my house is insanely cold. Sorry mom, just stating facts...love you though!!
I don't think that anyone is fully comfortable in their skin, at least not anyone my age. I think that self acceptance comes with age and experience.
Now to the topic I am sure no one, well I don't, want to talk about. My health. At the present time, all my numbers are good, except my potassium, which is a bit on the low side. No, i don't have to take an extra pill but I think i might just pick up some bananas the next time i got the grocery store.
It took me a long time to accept the fact that no, there is no cure for Lupus yet, and even if there was, it wont be able to magically erase the damage that has already been done to my body. I will never again be that bright eyed and bushy tailed 15 year old that could do and be anything with no limitations. I don't think that i would want to be that girl ever again because even though i was forced to grow up, what seemed to be overnight, i wouldn't change the experiences for anything. PAUSE...that's a lie, there have been times when i wanted to rip my hair out and just give up, but it made me who i am today.
No, my life hasn't been a fairytale, yes I have questioned why i was given this cross to bear, but i look at my siblings and see who they are and what they are going through and i know. I just KNOW that if it hadn't have been me, i don't think that they could have done it. If i have to suffer through this, so they don't have to, then so be it.
Having a chronic disease like Lupus is not easy. There are days when it SUCKS and i just want to lie down and say....ENOUGH! But then i look at other cases and see how good a life i have. After all I am not alone, I have a huge family that loves and supports me. A family that I know if and when I walk into the hospital, will be there praying for me. And that's the thing, I know what is in my future and it wont be easy, but with the support system i have, i know that I will be okay.
So no, i am no where near able to accept all that i am or all that i will be. I am, however, standing firm in the belief that i will get there.
As long as I have my God, my family, my friends and my music...I'm gonna be alright!!
It has been a long time since I have posted anything, but that is because I really felt as though i didn't have much to say. At least when it comes to my life. I think i have an innate ability to see other people's issues and see where and what it is that they should or could do to change their situation. I think because i keep my hand so close to the chest, it has become hard for even me to see exactly what goes on in my head sometimes.
I will tell you something, particularly the girls/women who read my blog, if you don't watch any other show, tune in to The Conversation on lifetime. In the few weeks that i have watched this show, i gained insight on not only the celebrities that have been featured but myself as well. I have come to realize that I do need to live in my truth and figure out exactly what it is i want out of my life.
It took me a long time to actually look myself in the eye while looking in the mirror, i would look everywhere but at myself and I don't even know why...sure, i didn't think i was pretty but i really don't know. I still have issues with looking at my body. Now that i think about it, that may be a reason why if you show up at my house, i will most likely be in long sleeves and socks. That or the fact that my house is insanely cold. Sorry mom, just stating facts...love you though!!
I don't think that anyone is fully comfortable in their skin, at least not anyone my age. I think that self acceptance comes with age and experience.
Now to the topic I am sure no one, well I don't, want to talk about. My health. At the present time, all my numbers are good, except my potassium, which is a bit on the low side. No, i don't have to take an extra pill but I think i might just pick up some bananas the next time i got the grocery store.
It took me a long time to accept the fact that no, there is no cure for Lupus yet, and even if there was, it wont be able to magically erase the damage that has already been done to my body. I will never again be that bright eyed and bushy tailed 15 year old that could do and be anything with no limitations. I don't think that i would want to be that girl ever again because even though i was forced to grow up, what seemed to be overnight, i wouldn't change the experiences for anything. PAUSE...that's a lie, there have been times when i wanted to rip my hair out and just give up, but it made me who i am today.
No, my life hasn't been a fairytale, yes I have questioned why i was given this cross to bear, but i look at my siblings and see who they are and what they are going through and i know. I just KNOW that if it hadn't have been me, i don't think that they could have done it. If i have to suffer through this, so they don't have to, then so be it.
Having a chronic disease like Lupus is not easy. There are days when it SUCKS and i just want to lie down and say....ENOUGH! But then i look at other cases and see how good a life i have. After all I am not alone, I have a huge family that loves and supports me. A family that I know if and when I walk into the hospital, will be there praying for me. And that's the thing, I know what is in my future and it wont be easy, but with the support system i have, i know that I will be okay.
So no, i am no where near able to accept all that i am or all that i will be. I am, however, standing firm in the belief that i will get there.
As long as I have my God, my family, my friends and my music...I'm gonna be alright!!
